MIA: "While I love a wedding, I loathe a hens night."

It’s a really good thing that most of my friends have finished getting married.

Because while I love a wedding, I loathe a hens night. And don’t get me started on kitchen teas.

But what I didn’t realise, is how expensive hen’s nights have become. And how full-on. How they now last for days and cost hundreds of dollars and sometimes involve getting on a plane and going to a different state.

I first became aware of this disturbing trend when someone at Mamamia received an invitation for a hens night and said out loud, “Oh good. It’s only going to cost me $200.”

Wait, what? WHAT?

Yes, apparently, this is a bargain. Some hens parties last for days and cost up to $1800 per person.

PER. PER. SON.
That cannot be normal. And yet it is.

In a flurry of venting, the stories instantly poured from the women I work with as they fell over each other to educate me about how hen’s nights (or weekends) now work.

Here are some of the insane tales they told me without any prompting whatsoever:

“So, a girlfriend of mine was invited to a crazy hen’s night. Only, it was more of a hen’s festival: It went for an entire weekend, involved several venue changes, and a series of girly activities. There was belly-dancing and pole dancing lessons ($80 each), lawn bowls ($30 each), a topless waiter to serve everyone drinks at the girl’s family home ($20 each), a high tea ($40 each), plus the expected present, outfit, travel costs. My friend simply could not afford everything, so she called the “hen” and told her she would be present for just the free activities. I thought that was really brave and awesome, but the hen was apparently not happy at all. The “hen” obviously measured her friends’ love and loyalty in their willingness to splash cash on a celebration. When really, that’s so unfair.”

“I’m going to one next weekend that $200 all up for one night’s accomodation, lunch and drink at a winery and drinks/games night. And I think that’s totally reasonable.”

“The wedding is also out of town so that means two weekends away for the same wedding.  Flights are $200, accommodation is $200 and we have been asked to put $150 aside for activities.  God knows what we are going to do.  That doesn’t include food and alcohol for the weekend either… Not sure whose idea it was but feel like I need to take a loan out to go on this weekend away… “

“So first there was the bus for the day ($25,) cocktails at a fancy bar (two at $20 each), followed by a private strip show($50), drinks and bar entry following ($120), a night at a hotel because everyone else is ($150) and then a lazy Sunday sesh the next day. All in all? Around $400, thanks very much.”

“I went to a Hen’s Night that cost about $50-100 per person, I think. I also helped out with some of the crafty preparations (sewing costumes for guests, etc). It was 50s Mad Men themed, so we made cute little aprons for everyone to wear, had a soiree at a friend’s house, and then went out for cocktails and finished the night singing Disney classics on the street.”

“I went to a hens night that felt more like a marathon than a celebration. Instead of planning what the bride wanted to do, the bridesmaids all decided what they would want to do for their own hens. And did that. All of it. Because they wouldn’t compromise. So by the time we finished doing their pretend hens, we were ready to go home and the bride didn’t get to do anything she wanted. Everyone had to all put in $200 which didn’t cover alcohol or a trip home…so add another $100.”

My first reaction to these stories was to assume that it was yet another sign that modern brides had lost their minds. But my colleagues were quick to correct me. Apparently the bridesmaids are the ones who organise the hens. Ironically, these are the same women who will bitch to others about having to fork out money for a dress they didn’t chose and won’t wear again.

Is it some kind of twisted revenge that they then force everyone else to suffer?

My hens was organised by my best friend who was also my only bridesmaid. It was a lunch on a Saturday and it lasted about 3 hours and cost guests nothing.

I would have thought this was a basic premise of inviting people to celebrate your Day of Days. Just because you decided to get married, why should you put untold financial, social and logistical strain on your friends by demanding they take a second mortgage and devote hours, days and even entire weekends to giving you attention?

Is it not enough that your guests are expected to buy an engagement present and a wedding present without making them pay hundreds more dollars to binge drink with your tipsy mother-in-law over a weekend on the Gold Coast?

So help me to understand. Who can we blame this on? Who needs to take a long hard look at themselves? Is it brides? Bridesmaids?

And am I totally out of step here or does someone need to start saying NO to extravagant, expensive hen’s nights?

Tell us your stories – best hens, worst hens, average cost?