Sorry, your star sign might not be your star sign.

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Let me begin by saying this: star signs are not just vibes.

They're a personality framework, a cosmic guidance system and — if you're anything like me — a fully-fledged decision-making tool. I've ended relationships because my horoscope said a new and mysterious love was "on the horizon". I've avoided answering emails because "Mercury is in retrograde". I've downloaded (and deleted and re-downloaded) Co-Star more times than I care to admit. 

For 36 years, I've lived proudly as a Virgo: organised, a perfectionist, and slightly controlling, but with the moral high ground to back it up. Until now. 

Because, according to a new report in The New York Times, I'm not a Virgo. I'm a Leo. 

Cue: astrological-level identity crisis. 

Here's what's happened. 

@mamamiaaus

Brb, rethinking my entire personality… #astrology #astrologytiktok #spirituality #starsigns #virgo

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Thousands of years ago, the Babylonians mapped the sky and chopped it into 12 equal slices — one for each month of the year. They matched those slices to star constellations. It was all very symmetrical. Very tidy. Very Virgo, if I do say so myself. 

At the time, they actually knew there were 13 constellations along the sun's path, but they ditched one — shoutout to Ophiuchus — because it didn't fit neatly into the calendar.

The point? Your star sign was decided by where the Sun appeared in relation to those constellations when you were born. 

The Babylonians mapping the sky, probably. Image: FX.

The problem? The Earth's position isn't "fixed". She's a bit of a wobbly queen (same, sis), shifting on her axis in a slow movement called precession, which alters our view of the sky by about one degree every 72 years. Over a few millennia, that tiny wobble has moved everything. What was "the Sun in Virgo" a few thousand years ago is now actually closer to Leo. Which means the dates we've been told match up to our signs? Kind of fake. 

Enter The New York Times, who launched a fun little identity-shattering interactive tool that shows you your "real" zodiac sign. You plug in your birthday and it spits out the constellation the Sun was actually in when you first entered the world.

(Spoiler alert: it's almost never the one you've been proudly claiming in your Hinge bio.)

I did it. I shouldn't have. Because, apparently, my "real" star sign is Leo.

Excuse me? Virgos are neat, anxious and reliable. Leos are loud, attention-hungry and dramatic. Yes, I once cried in my car because my local café swapped oat milk brands, but that doesn't make me a Leo… does it? 

All of a sudden, I am questioning everything. 

A dramatic reenactment of me trying to figure who I am. Image: Getty.

Is my bossiness not Virgoan discipline but instead Leo arrogance? Is my colour-coded bookshelf not perfectionism but a Leo's desperate need for validation? Have I actually… liked being the centre of attention this whole time?

Before you burn your zodiac necklace (or book in the removal of your star sign tattoo), there's a bit of a twist: modern astrology doesn't actually use the constellations anymore. 

Instead, it relies on the "tropical zodiac", which is more tied to the seasons and the Earth's orientation to the Sun and not the shifting night sky. The signs may share names with constellations, but they're not meant to accurately line up with them anymore. That means if you've always been a Libra, you're still a Libra. 

Watch: The Horoscopes at the airport. Article continues below.

Don't let the nerds at NASA — or the killjoys at the New York Times — take that away from you. 

And yet, I can't shake the existential dread of it all. I've built my entire personality around being a Virgo. I'm known amongst my friend group as "Jess, the Virgo (obviously)". My exes definitely have "dated a Virgo" in their therapy notes. I've leaned on astrology in times of chaos, heartbreak and questionable decision-making. 

And now the universe wants to tell me I'm actually something… different. A Leo. Should I buy gold jewellery? Should I launch a podcast? Do I start arriving late to things on purpose just so I can declare "I have arrived"?

Honestly… I might. 

Listen: You're not imagining it; everyone actually is ruder, as the Mamamia Out Loud hosts discuss. Post continues below.

At the end of the day, astrology isn't about astronomy anymore. It's about stories and archetypes and reading one paragraph in your horoscope and going, "Oh my god, that is so me". It's also about comfort. Life is messy and unpredictable and sometimes pretty damn brutal. Astrology gives us a language to package the chaos.

Whether you're a Virgo clinging to your spreadsheets or a Leo staging a dramatic exit at brunch (okay, fine, that does sound like me…), sometimes it's nice to believe the stars are paying attention. 

So yes, technically, I am a Leo now. But spiritually? Emotionally? In the very core of my soul? I'm a Virgo. Until the next time the Earth wobbles, at least. 

Feature image: Instagram/@pearlmemore.