'Apparently dads are "too soft" now. Mine was exactly that, and I'm grateful.'

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My dad was a primary parent in the 90s—literally the only one of his kind back then. He was the most emotionally available, soft, and nurturing, beautiful dad.

He would play make-believe games with us for hours, sing The Little Mermaid at the top of his lungs. He was the opposite of what is being coined a "trad dad" online.

My dad, Trev, grew up in the fifties and had the epitome of a trad dad himself. His own father fought in both World Wars. He was so stoic to the point where he never told my dad, his son, that he loved him.

And I am sure he loved him, but he was so emotionally shut down that he couldn't even express it. As a result, my dad was incredibly close to his mum.

Watch: How do we raise boys to become good men? Post continues below.

She was soft, nurturing, caring, and adoring. And my dad became that kind of parent.

He didn't want to raise his daughters with a stiff upper lip. He yearned for the kind of closeness he felt from his mum.

I feel so lucky to have had this beautiful, adoring soft landing place in a dad growing up. And I still do.

So, when I started seeing murmurings in my algorithm that the pendulum has swung too far, that dads are being "too nice", that we need to return to a "trad dad" model?

My eyes rolled so hard back into my head they nearly got stuck there — harder even than when I first learnt about the revering of "trad wives".

What is a "trad dad"?

The "trad dad" is couched in outdated nostalgia for a traditional, often 20th-century vision of fatherhood: strict, rule-oriented, emotionally reserved, and cast firmly as the family's "breadwinner".

It's being positioned as the counterpoint to "gentle parenting," which emphasises negotiation, emotional validation, and kindness — sometimes, critics argue, at the expense of discipline or clear boundaries.

Some commentators like Bill Maher have called for a return to "trad dad" values, cautioning against dads being too soft, too negotiable, or blurring the line between parent and friend.

His Youtube video called "New Rule: Bring Back Trad Dads," had the caption "Give him permission to be a dad, like dads used to be."

But this nostalgic call to return to the past ignores everything we've learnt about what children actually need to thrive.

Noah Bloch, Head of Curriculum at Consent Labs and positive masculinity expert, told Mamamia that the trend reflects what we've been seeing happening on social media more broadly.

"Which is entirely just a reversion to traditional, stereotypical gender norms — that's why we've had tradwife content being so popularised in the last few years," he said.

"But it is also reflective of some of the more harmful content that's been coming through social media, particularly since Andrew Tate, reflecting a backlash against modern feminism and arguing that feminism has gone too far."

Bloch explained that this reversion carries real consequences. "We know that the pressure to live up to these gendered norms doesn't serve men, and it doesn't serve the rest of society either," he said.

"Dads need to be caring and empathetic and demonstrate the wide range of qualities that a parent can have, despite gender.

"A dad can be strong, they can even be the provider, if that's the way that the family is structured. But that doesn't mean that they're not caring and empathetic and compassionate and supportive. It's not restrictive—if you want to be a good man, you can actually have a million different qualities and traits."

The point, he stressed, is that with "this reversion back to the gender norms of the 50s, we're not actually setting modern dads up for success in 2025. So instead, we need to be saying you can actually have the entire range of qualities on the gender spectrum."

"You can be strong, but you can also be caring. You can be stoic if you want. You can demonstrate resilience, but you can also be emotionally vulnerable. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive."

Getting the balance right.

My dad Trev and I in 1983. Image Supplied.

Camille Jaramis, founder of Ask Yawn—parenting AI built by parents—told Mamamia that neither extreme serves children well.

"The old model of fatherhood—stoic, punitive, detached—often taught compliance, not confidence. It created fear, not respect," she said.

"But swinging too far the other way, where boundaries disappear in the name of being kind or 'mates,' leaves kids feeling unsafe and unsure of where the limits are."

Jaramis believes that kids thrive when they know where the edges are and that those edges are held with calm strength.

"They also need connection—to feel seen, heard, and safe enough to make mistakes and learn," she said.

"It's not about being 'nice' or 'strict'. It's about being the adult they can both trust and respect."

Put simply, "boundaries are love in action."

Because here's the truth: kids need boundaries, but they also need bucketfuls of love.

They need dads who can be strong and caring, who can set limits and sing Disney songs, who can lead their families without emotionally abandoning them in the process.

The "trad dad" might look strong on the surface, but my soft, silly, devoted father? He was the strongest man I knew. And he still is.

What do you think is the balance? Share in the comments below.

You can find out more about positive masculinity education with Noah Bloch at Consent Labs.

You can find more parenting resources from Camille Jaramis at Ask Yawn.

Feature Image: Supplied.