Amy Duggar was trying on wedding dresses when she got a news alert about her own family.

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For years, the Duggar family was a vision of smiling faces, matching outfits and what looked like a perfectly peaceful, God-honouring life.

They were 19 Kids and Counting. The TLC show followed devout Christians Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar as they raised their 19 children under a set of incredibly strict, fundamentalist rules according to the religious organisation Institute in Basic Life Principles — an organisation many ex-members have described as a cult.

But there was one family member who didn't quite fit the mould: Cousin Amy.

Amy Duggar King was a fun fixture on the show — but she was always a little bit "too much" for the strict Duggar world. Too loud, too modern, too free.

As an only child living near her strict uncle and aunt, she earned the nickname, "Crazy Cousin Amy" — a name she says she never appreciated.

Listen to Amy Duggar King on Mamamia's No Filter. post continues below.

Behind the scenes, Amy noticed the cracks. The wholesome family image was really hiding secrets, silence and a system of control that dictated everything from how women spoke to what they wore.

Then the foundation cracked completely.

The first public scandal broke after nine seasons on air, with the revelation Amy's oldest cousin, Josh Duggar, had molested four of his sisters and a babysitter years earlier.

But the story of the family's deception ran even deeper.

According to a police report released by In Touch Weekly in 2015, when the original molestation allegations were first brought to Jim Bob and Michelle in 2002, they chose to handle it privately, consulting only with church elders instead of reporting the incidents to the police.

Even after learning of additional incidents in 2003, they kept the truth hidden. Instead of contacting the authorities, they sent Josh to a "physical work and counselling" program for three months.

Sixteen months after their initial knowledge, Jim Bob took Josh to an acquaintance, an Arkansas State Trooper, who gave Josh a "stern talk" but filed no official report.

The truth was buried for years, until it was unearthed by In Touch Weekly when it published the police report.

Josh addressed the reports at the time, telling People: "As a young teenager, I acted inexcusably, for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends."

He admitted he confessed his actions to his parents, who "took several steps to help me address the situation."

"We spoke with the authorities, where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counselling," he said.

Following the scandal, and the news that Jim Bob and Michelle had known about the sexual abuse, TLC cancelled 19 Kids and Counting.

In 2021, Josh was arrested and convicted of downloading and possessing child sexual abuse material. He was sentenced to more than 12 years in prison.

The revelation was the final permission slip for Amy to speak.

Now, she's finally sharing her side of the story, shattering the entire façade in her new memoir, Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade by Getting Louder with the Truth.

Amy said she felt compelled to share her truth. Image: Miles Witt Boyer.

The quest for truth.

Amy was in Walmart when the world as she knew it ended. The truth about her family was printed on the cover of an American magazine — and she couldn't look away.

"When you see a house that you have gone to a million plus times on a front cover with the words 'house of horrors' in big bold letters printed on it, you stop in your tracks," she told No Filter's Kate Langbroek.

"I knew something was off. My heart was pounding. I was like, sweating. I had tears in my eyes."

She stood there, staring at the cover, unable to process the allegations against her cousin.

"I was so brokenhearted, and at the same time, I didn't want to believe it," she said.

Like any member of the family, she tried to get answers and make sense of it all. But just like any other difficult issue in the Duggar world, she was brushed aside.

"I had a million questions," Amy said. "The truth has always been very hard to find in my family."

She realised she needed to know the truth — good or bad.

"It took me a really long time to face the truth that this is actually happening and that there's so much more to the story," Amy said.

This relentless quest for transparency is what lies at the heart of her book, which details her family's experience with generational brokenness.

Josh after his arrest in April 2021. Image: Getty.

The generational secret.

This generational brokenness links back much further than Josh's crimes.

Amy shared her mother, Deanna, suffered abuse at the hands of her grandparents, who were also Jim Bob's parents.

It meant Amy grew up with a silent, terrifying set of rules.

In her memoir, she details how she was never allowed to be alone with her grandfather and for years, she never knew why.

"My grandma was like my second mum," Amy told No Filter. "We were best friends. We did everything together."

But even her "best friend" was hiding a terrible truth. The secrets manifested as strict, non-negotiable childhood rules that, looking back, were terrifying precautions.

"I was a little girl, so she'd be like, 'Hey, if you see grandpa, you know, in the hallway at night, don't go out and say hi to him. Just stay in your room'," Amy recalled.

"She was like, 'Now we lock our door. I'm going to check your door every night to make sure it's locked.' And I was like, 'Okay.'"

Deanna and Amy. Image: Instagram/amyrachelleking.

Amy was taught it was "just practical", but the rules governed her entire existence around him.

"I knew my grandpa didn't sit on the couch with me," she said.

"If I had a blanket on, on the couch, I had to move if my grandpa sat down beside me, I knew that he couldn't be in the backyard with me. I knew I couldn't be in a car with him."

She didn't put the pieces together until she was older.

"You believe what you're told," Amy said.

It wasn't until both her grandparents died that her mum was finally able to confide in her.

"My mum sat me down, bawling her eyes out, and just told me the truth about them," Amy said.

"Thank God my grandma checked my door every night. Thank God my mum protected me. I know what could have happened."

Confronting her cousin.

The next bombshell dropped while Amy was trying on her wedding dress with her mum. A text message told her to turn on the news.

It was about Josh and the sexual abuse.

"We turned on the TV, and we just sat there and just cried," Amy said. "I just sat in my wedding dress, crying."

"That is a slap in the face to find out the horrible truth, that we were told there was no truth to it at all, on national television," Amy said.

The cycle of denial was relentless. Even after the Josh scandal broke, Amy pleaded with Jim Bob.

"I said, 'Please don't let us be ambushed. We've been ambushed twice on the television. Please, if there's something to this, let us know.'"

His reply was the same "almost robotic" response, denying everything.

"I knew that that couldn't probably be the truth."

The deceit was too much.

Josh with his wife Anna. Image: Getty.

Desperate for closure, Amy went to confront her cousin. She looked Josh dead in the eye and asked, "How long has this been going on?"

He stayed silent.

"It was a ticking time bomb," she said.

"I finally asked him one specific question, and I got the answer that I didn't want to get. And in that moment, I realised, I am walking away from this house, and I am never, probably, coming back."

That question was, "Why did you never do it to me?"

Josh took a long time to look up. Then, with "a really creepy smile", he delivered the crushing answer. "I knew better."

For Amy, that moment was "like a knife to the heart."

The predator knew exactly who to prey on — "the girls that are going to be silent and not say anything and be in pain and not reach out for help… He knew in his heart that I would have raised hell. He knew it."

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A post shared by Amy Duggar King (@amyrachelleking)

Breaking the chains.

Amy knows sharing her story came at a great cost, but it was necessary to tell.

"I had to disrupt toxic cycles, and I had to break chains that were generational," she said.

"My book is not written out of bitterness… I'm a truth seeker, and I'm not going to put up with lies, and I don't think the world should either.

"I did it to help hearts. I did it to connect with women and people all over the world that have experienced all kinds of abuse and gaslighting."

Today, Amy remains in contact only with her cousin Jill, who has since distanced herself from her family and written her own memoir, Counting the Cost, with her husband Derick about their experiences.

She has an ultimate hope for her estranged family.

"I just hope someday that all of them as a whole will think for themselves and outside of maybe what they've been taught. I think there's a whole lot that they probably still need to learn and heal from. "

Feature image: Jo Johnson Overby.