AMY DUGGAR KING: 'Everyone thought my cousin was "perfect." Then I found a file I wasn't meant to see.'

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Amy Duggar King is the cousin of Josh Duggar, the eldest son of the reality TV family featured in 19 Kids and Counting.

In 2015, it emerged Josh had molested five girls, including four of his sisters, when he was a teenager. The scandal led to the cancellation of the family's show and exposed the culture of secrecy within their fundamentalist Christian community. In 2021, Josh was arrested on federal charges of receiving and possessing child sexual abuse material, and in 2022, Josh was convicted and sentenced to 12.5 years in federal prison.

Amy, who had long been estranged from the Duggar family due to their controlling behaviour and strict religious beliefs, became one of the few family members to publicly speak out against Josh. She now wants to shed light on the toxic family dynamics and religious extremism.

This is an extract from her memoir Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade by Getting Louder with the Truth.

People have asked over the years, "Amy, were there any unmistakable signs that a colossal storm was brewing? Did you have any inkling of the magnitude of what was to come?"

I did, but only after I discovered some unexpected computer files.

My dad decided to buy an old computer from Josh, who always had the newest tech. One day I was searching around trying to get familiar with the new computer when I saw under the menu button a tab labelled "Josh's Files."

I clicked on it out of curiosity. What I saw completely horrified me — thousands of pornographic photos and videos of both women and men.

As fast as I could, I grabbed Scotch tape and several sheets of black construction paper to put over the screen. I then moved all the files to the trash folder. I didn't want to permanently delete them, because this was proof that what I saw was real.

I was used to people doubting me, and this was hard evidence no one could deny.

Amy Duggar: Image: Miles Witt Boyer/Supplied.

I was disgusted by what I saw, but in a way, I also felt a strange sense of relief knowing that Josh wasn't a robot. You must realise I never once witnessed him, even remotely, being defiant or disobedient toward his parents. Yet porn and masturbation were in direct conflict with the beliefs of his family and certainly IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles).

During the filming of 19 Kids and Counting, Josh came across as a natural-born leader who radiated kindness.

In all aspects, he appeared to epitomise the ideal first son.

Obviously, I was beyond shocked that Mr. Perfect harboured a dark secret like this. I always assumed there might be more to him than met the eye.

After seeing the quantity of videos I discovered, I had to believe he had an addiction and, due to the nature of the videos, serious mental problems as well.

I went back and forth on what I should do.

There in the trash folder was the evidence I needed for my uncle to believe me — maybe for the first time in his life. I knew I wouldn't be taken seriously if I had no proof.

Josh Duggar with his wife Anna. Image: Getty.

I showed my mum the trash folder on my dad's computer before I permanently deleted the files. She called Jim Bob immediately, and we told him what we saw, describing the images in detail — including orgy videos and rough abusive scenes where women were being beaten and peed on.

Glancing at the videos as I deleted them, it was clear that some had been downloaded and that Josh had deliberately saved clips of his favourite scenes, carefully edited to his liking.

Just thinking about what I saw still makes me want to throw up.

Jim Bob immediately wanted to talk to me, but I put the call on the speaker so my mum could hear. He said in a calm and casual voice, "Amy, you must have been mistaken. My son does not have a problem with pornography. Josh would shield his eyes from such sinful images."

Completely in denial, he continued, "He bought that computer from a guy at a pawnshop, so there's no telling what you'll find there."

I responded with one question: "Uncle Jim Bob, if what you are telling me is correct, then why did I find all of this pornography under the folder name Josh's Files?"

My uncle went silent. A few seconds later, stumbling through his words, he told me I was simply wrong and hung up the phone.

Unfortunately, I wasn't surprised by my uncle's reaction.

During family gatherings, I've always been the one shrugged off as though my thoughts didn't matter. It wasn't just about whether I was right or wrong; it seemed like my family had a collective agreement to not take me seriously — no matter how hard I tried to explain myself.

This wasn't something that happened a handful of times; it happened over and over again, which made me feel completely dismissed, as though I was present but unseen, as though my voice was just background noise — heard but never truly acknowledged.

The more I experienced this, the more I started to believe that maybe I really was the problem, that no matter what I said or did, I would never be enough in their eyes.

As the years passed, it became the norm to feel like I was on the outside looking in. While everyone else seemed to fit in perfectly, there I was, standing on the other side of the fence. As happened with most things in my family, this pivotal issue with Josh was swept under the rug, buried beneath layers of silence and denial.

It was painfully clear to both my mum and me that my uncle was attempting to lock up the secret as tightly as he could.

In a moment of clarity, I saw through the shiny happy facade and suddenly knew that my cousin's holier-than-thou persona was nothing more than an act.

Josh, the one who was always the first to stand in front of a crowd and loudly sing hymns, the one to have every single piece of hair in place and show off the brightest smile, clearly had a real problem. But my hands were tied.

Nobody would listen to Crazy Cousin Amy.

And the truth remained locked away.

Then a year later, something happened that rocked me.

Taken from Holy Disruptor by Amy Duggar King. Copyright © October 2025 by Zondervan. Used by permission of Zondervan.

Holy Disruptor is available to purchase, click here.

Feature image: Johnson Overby and Scott Enlow/TLC.