EX DIARIES: Jono and Amy Castano split after 15 years together. Two years later, they're best mates.

There are many reasons you might want to cut off your ex entirely: It hurts too much to see them living their life without you. It’s not that healthy to have them around. The sound of their voice grates on your soul like fingernails on a chalkboard…

But when Jono and Amy Castano ended their marriage two years ago, after 15 years together, they didn’t cut each other off.

It was quite the opposite, actually.

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They still see each other every day, working together at Acero, a boutique gym they co-founded in Sydney that's a fave workout spot for local celebs and influencers. Jono is the head trainer (some of his high-profile clients have included Rebel Wilson and Rita Ora), while Amy looks after PR, marketing, sales and anything else the business needs. Their business has done so well that they’ve recently expanded with a new AI-powered fitness app, Acero Drip, ($24.99 per month) that features HIIT, cardio, pilates, yoga, kickboxing and mindfulness sessions. 

They’re not just getting by being civil to each other, either; they’ve become best friends. They’re so close that Amy says, “I can almost know what he's thinking before he says it, and the same with him with me.”

They even go out on double dates with their new partners. (It’s conscious uncoupling on a whole new level.)

“We both knew that we didn't want that [marriage] part of our relationship to continue,” Amy tells Mamamia. 

“But our business relationship and our friendship and everything else that we had? We still wanted each other in our lives.

“So [when we broke up] it wasn’t like, ‘I'll never see you again’. We decided we were just not doing the marriage part anymore.”

Jono adds, “Our marriage never ended on bad terms. It just ran its course, and I think that's why we're still so super super-close. 

“I always tell everyone Amy knows me more than I know myself.” 

So how exactly have the pair managed to not just stay friends but have a stronger relationship now than they were married? In this Mamamia exclusive, Jono and Amy share both sides of the story. 

A lesson in how to stay friends with an ex, ahead.

What was it about each other that you first fell in love with?  

Amy: I'm gonna start off. The first thing that I noticed about Jono was that he was always incredibly driven, whether it was through soccer [Jono played professionally when he was younger], or anything else that he put his mind to. It was always his heart that led whatever he did. And that's what I really fell in love with, what he did, and how he did things.

Jono: The first time that I saw Amy was at a nightclub called Dragonfly and I was using my fake ID to go. I lied to Amy about my age for a year. I loved how smart and creative she is. That really stood out to me. I was 17 at the time. You were 19.

Amy: You told me you were 18. At that age, two years feels like such a big difference. 

Jono: We got married on October 6 in 2018 on Ooralba Estate in Kangaroo Valley. 

Amy: It was our dream wedding. Beautiful and chic.

When did you realise your relationship wasn’t working anymore?

Amy: We started plans for Acero in June 2020, during lockdown, and officially opened in October 2020. I think for me, I realised our marriage wasn’t working anymore when the business was the sole focus. 

We were so passionate about the business that our relationship was on the back burner. Acero was like our baby. It took all of our time and energy. Our relationship evolved into one where we worked so well together, but our marriage was non-existent. 

 Jono: At the end, we started to do our own things. For example, I started to go out with friends more. That's what happened more frequently. And then I just wanted to escape and not be at home, watching TV. We had a chat about it then. [Breaking up] felt like it was the right thing to do at the time.

It was hard at the very beginning, I'm not gonna lie. I'd always known, my whole life, I was meant to be with Amy and come home to Amy and do everything with Amy. Then once I started to branch out and do things without her, I started to understand myself a little bit more. I was doing things I missed when I was growing up because I never got to go out with friends. I never got to experience life without Amy.

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Amy: I went through the realisation our marriage was over a little bit earlier than Jono did. Looking back at it now, I didn't want to let go until we both realised it was the right time.

It's been a massive change [since we broke up]. Like, you know, Jono, you've known me half of my life. 

[Since breaking up] I now understand exactly what I want. And what I want to do. Before, I think I was quite lost and didn't know what my place was in the world. Now it's definitely clear. I’m able to fully be myself.

We got together when we were so young. When your parents say things, like, "Oh, you're too young for a relationship." And you're like, "No, I'm not." But now I get it. I actually do get it. You're still trying to figure out who you are and what your place is in the world. And that can happen early on, or it can happen later in life.

How did you have an honest chat about how you were feeling?

Jono: We were doing counselling. I think it really helped us express those types of feelings and communicate with each other. It played a massive part in terms of us being able to be true to our word and ourselves.

Amy: The conversation was obviously quite emotional. But we both knew that we didn't want that part of our relationship to continue. 

Jono: As soon as it happened, probably a month later, I flew overseas for about three months, where I got to focus on myself. Being apart for that time, I think, was really helpful.

Amy: That was a godsend.

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Jono: Then, when I came back, everything was like the way it is now. It just flowed [after that], to be honest.

But we’re only human. When I was away, there were times when I felt like I wasn't making the right decision. One of my friends helped me, mentally, in terms of trying to get me back to the present. So yeah, I'm not gonna lie. There were times I felt like I'd made the wrong decision.

Amy: It wasn't always smooth sailing. We'd both have disagreements. We wouldn't see eye to eye on certain things. But taking that time apart made it much easier. We could be like, "Okay, let's just leave this for now and talk about it when we’re a little bit more, you know, not emotionally driven." I think that was helpful. And that also came from us doing sessions with a counsellor.

We saw a counsellor for about half a year before our marriage ended. But it wasn't about saving the marriage, it was more so about being able to communicate better, and being able to understand each other better. That's why we communicate really well now, because we learnt those ways in which you sort of leave [a difficult conversation] and then come back to it later. That's been a massive help for us.

Do you ever revert back to your old patterns from when you were married?

Amy: Jono will burp in front of me, and I'm like, "Oh my God, that's disgusting." It’s more that sort of stuff, rather than reverting to old ways in which we communicate. We've evolved so much in our relationship and we're both clear on what it is and what it's evolved to.

Jono: And we're both in happy relationships as well. I call [Amy’s partner] Aaron a good friend of mine. And you know, [Jono’s girlfriend] Simone and Amy, they just did their hair together.

Amy: To give credit to both of them, Aaron and Simone, they accept [our relationship for] what it is. 

Jono: Before Simone, there were previous girls that I was seeing that found it uncomfortable for me to be messaging Amy – like, the amount of times that I message Amy, you know?

Amy: Aaron and Simone are very emotionally mature. I think it helps that Jono and I are both very open about [our relationship] too. Like Jono said, in the past, he’d message girls around me or whatever, and they wouldn't understand it. 

For me as well, there were questions from other guys, like, "What's going on here?", "Why are you still talking to your ex?" 

Jono: If they weren’t comfortable with our relationship, it was like, "See ya, later."

Amy: Yeah, they weren’t the right person.

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How does your relationship compare now to when you were married? 

Jono: I’d probably say it’s the strongest that it’s ever been, to be honest. There's no negativity.

Amy: And there's no pressure. When we were dating, it was like, ‘So when are you getting engaged?’ And then when you’re engaged, ‘When are you getting married?’. And then when you're married, ‘When are you having kids?’ It's like, you’ve got to do all these things in order. It’s a lot of pressure, especially when our main focus as a couple was to grow a business. It definitely relieved a lot of pressure. 

We're just besties, at the end of the day. A lot of people mistake us for brother and sister! When they see me with Aaron, and Jono with Simone, then they see we have the same last name, they're like, ‘Oh, a brother and sister just doing their thing. You know, doing their business together.’ 

I think we were twins in a previous life.

What's the biggest lesson you'd like to share with others?

Jono: I think a lot of people feel like they're just not strong enough to leave their current relationship. If you're not happy, and you feel like you're becoming someone that you're not, that's not the right relationship for you. 

I never view [the end of our marriage] as a failure. It was a new beginning. A new start. Just be strong, because trust me, that gut feeling is the right decision. A lot of times so many people stay in unhappy relationships. Life's so short, you should be enjoying every single day. And if you're not feeling that, then that's not the relationship for you.

Amy: Being unhappy in a relationship trickles into all different aspects of your life. So that would be work, family, hobbies – anything that you do. 

It sounds like if you had stayed together, your business wouldn't have been as successful. 

Amy: Exactly.

Jono: Yeah, it probably wouldn't have been. Like we said earlier, to get the best out of each other, you need to know who you are.

Jono and Amy's new AI-powered fitness app Acero Drip is available now. Head here for all the details.

Feature Image: Supplied + Mamamia.

200,000 Australians filed for divorce in the past two years alone, and we want to hear from those Aussies (and the ones that took the plunge well before that). The heartbroken, the angry, the satisfied and the never-been-happier divorcees who want to share their side of the story. The Mamamia Divorce Diaries is a space for candid sharing of those stories – whatever shape and size their tale comes in. If you're wanting to share your story, then please head here to do so.