"9 horrible thoughts I've had as a parent".

Oh admit it, you’ve had them too…

I have thought some regrettable things in my six years as a parent (to three kids). A lot. I love my kids so much, but there are days when I fantasize that they are like the kids I see in movies: angelic, well-behaved and well-mannered. Some days they are those kids, and others…well, small kids are very much like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Read more… “I lost my 6-year-old over the weekend but I wasn’t worried.”

Here are 9 horrible thoughts I’ve had as a parent:

1. Where can I return them?

There are days when I wish there was a return/exchange lane for my children. Sort of like Costco’s no questions asked return policy.

2. Will you just shut up already?!

I really can’t break up another fight, or answer another question on some days.

3. Oh my God, is it bedtime yet?

Is it wrong to change the clocks in their room at 5 pm and tell them it’s bed time?

4.  These aren’t my kids.

Surely they are the devil’s spawn.

5.  Will you just shut up already!

Oh, I said that already?  Well, I say it a lot in my head, too.  “Why is the light not green yet?” “When will it be 4 o’clock?”  “What did God say to Adam and Eve?”  “Where do bugs sleep?” “Where are my crayons?” “What’s for dinner?” “How old are you?”  “Mum?”  “Mummy?”  “Mama?” The questions never stop!

6.  They’re hungry again?

But didn’t I just feed them?

7.  Go the f*ck to sleep.

That wasn’t an original thought.  We’ve all thunk it.

8.  I should have married ______.

My kids would have been angels if I had his babies.

9.  I am a bad mother.

I shouldn’t have given them cereal for dinner, shouldn’t have let them have their iPad all night….take your pick.  This is actually a daily thought.

What’s the worst parenting thought you’ve ever had? Come on, fess’ up!

This post originally appeared on mrsmuffintop.com and has been republished here with full permission. 

Jacqui Zadik was born in a big town in Canada, and like a bird, flew south for warmer weather when she was twenty.  She landed in San Francisco for eight years before moving to LA, where she now lives.  She was a grant writer and fundraiser, before becoming a mom and a blogger.

Jacqui blogs under the name MrsMuffinTop to avoid embarrassment of her three children, and husband.  When she’s not cleaning up dog poop from her two dogs, or taking care of the kids, she likes to…oh who are we kidding?  There’s no spare time after a husband, three kids and two dogs! You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.