Allira got married when she was 21. After her divorce, she realised she loved women.

Allira Potter was 21 when she married the man she thought was her soulmate. 

The pair had been together since she was 17 and marriage was the next step - something she thought she was supposed to do.

But when things started to fizzle out a few years later Allira, a proud Yorta Yorta woman, felt like she was "failing".

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"I think society puts this sort of perception on women to get married by a certain age [and] you have to have kids by a certain age," she told Sophie Cachia on Mamamia's podcast HER.

"So when we decided to separate, the daunting feeling that I felt was, 'Oh, my God, you're failing... you should be trying to work on this marriage... maybe you should have kids, and maybe that will fix the problem."

However, after a conversation with her family, Allira realised it wasn't on her to "fix" things and at 27, she found herself divorced.

For the first time since she was a teenager, she was single and enjoying everything that came with it. 

"I did the typical, I want to say, my hoe phase, where I was really exploring my sexuality [and] I joined a footy team."

It was during her time on the team, that she experienced a sexual awakening. 

"I was like oh, maybe I like girls, but maybe I like men. I [thought] let's put a label on it, because that's what society told me that I had to do," she explained. "So I would tell people I'm bi[sexual], I'm pan[sexual] whatever."

It wasn't until she met her ex-girlfriend at the start of the year, that she realised she was actually - as she describes - a "full-blown lesbian".

"She made me realise how gay I was, I wasn't into men anymore," she told Cachia. 

"I realised that I actually only slept with men when I was under the influence of something, whether that was alcohol or drugs. And then when I was with [an] old mate, I was like... I cannot picture my life with a man, it has to be with a woman."

For Allira, the realisation she liked women didn't come easy.

She began "spiralling" and questioning everything she thought she knew about herself.

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"I was like, 'No, you can't be like this, this is not who you are'. You were married to a man, you have to go and marry a man again... I [thought] is this who I am? Am I attracted to women? And once I moved past that fear, I had to really get vulnerable with myself and be like, it's okay if you like women, there is nothing wrong with that."

She was also scared of what people would say when she told them the truth, especially her dad. 

"I remember coming out to my dad and [telling him]... I'm seeing women, I'm exploring that and I'm having fun with that. I was expecting a really sh*tty response from him, and he just turned around and was like, 'Yeah, cool. If that's what makes you happy, then go for it'."

"Now I'm just known as the big old lesbian in the family," she joked. "My family are just so accepting."

Looking back, Allira says the signs that she was attracted to women were always there - she once had a crush on a woman and her ex-husband, while male presenting, had "feminine attributes".

"I had moments where I was like, b*tch, you're gay. You've been gay your whole life, like what are you talking about?"

But despite the attraction, Allira said the first time she had sex with a woman was a "scary" experience. 

"We got naked and I just sort of sat there and I was like, how do I go down on a girl? I know how my body works, and I know what I like, but I had to be really vulnerable with this woman and [say] I don't know what you'd like... so you need to show me what to do."

She was also worried about comparing her body to her partner's. 

"I'm a curvy girl [so] I was like, why does this beautiful size 12 woman want to be with me? I don't understand it... And then I realised that [as] women we actually don't care. We don't care because we just cherish and love another woman's body, no matter what size, what colour they are, we just want to embrace that."

It's why she says sleeping with women feels "sacred" in her eyes. 

"Sleeping with a woman, there's just a really powerful emotional connection, even if it's a one-night stand, I find it still such good sex."

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Allira also said she's experienced "the best of sex" of her life with a woman and can't see herself ever sleeping with men again. 

"I think it was the communication before we started having sex [and saying] this is what I like, this is what I don't like. I felt like this person was really open to exploring things. And it's the best sex... this girl makes me squirt every orgasm, that's never happened. No male has ever made me do that."

Allira has also noticed the difference when it comes to the dating game, noting women are more upfront and affectionate than men.

"I just feel like women are straight to the point. They know what they want, they'll be like, I want to kiss you, I don't want to kiss you... So you can just tell when you're gonna go home with someone I feel."

It's this open communication that makes her feel incredibly "secure" when dating women. That, and the lack of judgement.

"In my eyes, it's always a safe space and always has been a safe space... There is such power in being with another female."

For those, like Allira, who may be realising they are no longer attracted to their partner and wondering what to do, Allira's advice is to "openly communicate".

"I've always had such good relationships when I've just openly communicated, and I guess the marriage breakdown that I went through, him and I just spoke about everything. And we're like, 'Yeah, we're just not attracted to each other' or 'This is why we stopped having sex for so long' because there was just no desire. So don't be afraid to have the conversation.

"Don't be afraid to leave a relationship if you're unhappy. Your happiness is number one, it's so important."

Feature Image: Instagram @allira.potter.

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