The birthday party invite said: "feel free to drop your child off".

The invite said, “feel free to drop your child off”. And then I was hit with the dilemma.

As my son threw his lunch box in the sink and hurled yet another pile of notes my way, I saw a brightly-coloured envelope amongst the P&C newsletter and the excursion permission slip.

“What’s this?”

“Oh, that’s an invite to Lilli’s birthday party,” my 6-year-old said with excitement, “it’s at her house and there’s going to be an animal farm.”

I opened the farm-themed envelope to find details of the upcoming party; the usual date, time and RSVP details were there but along the bottom I also saw the following: There will be adequate adult supervision, feel free to drop your child off for the duration of the party.

It seems I’d gone from ‘have a coffee with the other mums’ birthday parties to ‘kids-only’ party age without even realising it.

So is that it, I drop him off now? I don’t stay? Was I allowed to if he wanted me to? Will I be looked down at if I stay and I’m ‘that’ mum?

Where’s the parenting etiquette guide when I needed it?

I’ve never left him at a party before. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I spoke with my fiancé about it and we decided to ask Mr Six his opinion.

“No mum, you HAVE to stay.”

Okay, done and dusted. I’d stay. I’d just have to deal with being ‘that’ parent.

I thought we were over the dilemma until my 4-year-old came home from preschool and excitedly threw another invite my way, “Phoenix is having a trampoline party and I’m going”.

Checked the invite, cool, trampoline party, sounds fun. Date – crap! Saturday morning. Fiancé is working and 6-year-old has soccer 30mins away in the opposite direction.

Mr Four:  “Mum, I’ll be FINE just drop me off.”

Clearly our boys are polar opposites. Our reserved 6-year-old isn’t yet ready to be left alone at a party and our 4-year-old assures us he is old enough to do it on his own.

So the other half and I discussed the issue again. Is 4 too young? It’s at a trampoline place, what kind of supervision was there? Have we even met Phoenix’s mum? Do we trust her to look after our child without us?

What are other parents doing in these situations?

I asked my friends at school. One has left her daughter at parties since she started school. Another friend laughed, “I’ll be going to these things for years yet, no way would he let me leave him.”

Then it got everyone at pick-up talking. Apparently, it’s okay if you know the parents, but then on the other hand if you know them you’re probably going to want to have a chat and a catch up anyway. If you don’t know them, you’re meant to clear it with them via SMS first, and preferably ask a mutual friend what they are like without seeming like the over-protective type. It’s a fine line.

After much deliberation we decided 4 was too young and made arrangements for another family member to assist with the party-soccer-work debacle.

I also attended Lilli’s farm themed shin-dig and was made to feel welcome. About half the parents stayed and half dropped the kids off. Upon further discussions with friends who have older kids, it seems about 6 or 7 is around the age where kids start to get dropped off but by 8 parents have become very uncool and are meant to stay home.

I’ve noted that for future reference.

At what age did you start to leave your kids at birthday parties?

Want more? Try this:

How to throw an awesome Frozen-themed birthday party

Why I’ve banned birthday party gifts for my son

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