'A week after my daughter started school, her teacher asked me for a private meeting.'

The first year of school marks the end of an era in parenting, and a new beginning for your child as they are entrusted into the education system to help shape their eager minds.

But with this next chapter comes new expectations and demands which can create challenges for children who do not fit the mould.

For neurodivergent children who may struggle with communication, behaviour and social interactions, the traditional schooling system can be overwhelming. While schools have been making progress to be more inclusive, each neurodivergent child has their own unique behaviours and traits.

When our daughter started her first year at a highly recommended, child-led private school, we believed wholeheartedly that she would thrive.

She is a confident, social and highly articulate child, unfazed by new places or people. Our daughter loved her new school, spoke of new friends and loved all the new activities on offer.

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But the school requested a parent/teacher interview within weeks of her starting.

I was tearful as the teacher explained that she was struggling with hyperactivity, inattention, impulsivity, friendships and following set boundaries. Highly energetic and impulsive from a young age, we didn't know any different as she was our first child. The teachers advised me to seek a formal ADHD diagnosis and I left the room feeling despondent.

I allowed myself a moment of sadness before pulling myself together to start the process of getting help. I made a GP appointment for the next day and phoned as many paediatrician clinics as I could find. Wait times were more than six months and some were no longer taking new patients. I felt overwhelmed and like there was no clear path forward.

As her behaviour and the school's concerns escalated, we were desperate. We organised an ADHD assessment with a psychologist that cost $900. This would help us understand her behaviour more but would not lead to medication — for that, we'd need a paediatrician. For months, we paid for psychology and occupational therapy to try to support our daughter's needs. Adding financial stress to an already stressful situation, we knew it would not be sustainable in the long term.

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We had frequent calls to collect her, daily reports of "bad" behaviour, reduced school hours and the final blow of a two-week suspension at just five years old. It was incredibly distressing to see her struggle and be labelled a "naughty" or "bad" child. I couldn't help but feel envious of how easy it seemed for other parents and their children.

A last-minute cancellation with a paediatrician provided some relief. Armed with reports from psychologists, occupational therapists and teachers, my daughter was given a formal ADHD diagnosis. Medication helped regulate some of her ADHD traits, but it became clear that there was another underlying condition. At the suggestion of her paediatrician, she was assessed for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) which confirmed our assumptions.

But it was too late; our trust in the school was tarnished and they had reached their capacity to support her any further. We moved our daughter to our local public school, where they spoke from a strengths-based perspective and supported her needs. She quickly made friends and had a clean slate to be the happy, friendly girl we knew her to be. She still had difficulty but was better supported.

Watch: What Is ADHD? Post continues after video.

While navigating how to support our daughter, we were also reflecting on our entire perspective on parenting. I considered myself to be a free-range parent, which means I encourage my children's independence by allowing them the freedom to explore and make decisions. I worried this had unwittingly given the perception that my kids could do what they wanted. But what I realise is that I learnt early on how to support my child, when to pick my battles and to let my child have the autonomy that she inherently needs.

Her first year of school was an emotional rollercoaster that left a lasting impact on our family. This year my twin boys, who both also have ADHD and ASD, will start their first year at their sister's school. We took what we learnt from our experience to ensure that we could be as prepared as possible for their start. It's a highly emotional time; I am so excited for them, incredibly anxious about how difficult this will be, and sad as the chapter on preschool parenthood ends for me.

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My daughter has overcome so much and is ready for the challenge of starting Year Two. It's not without difficulty, stress and accommodation, but it's worth it to see her so happy and content. As the school year begins, I keep in mind the families who knowingly or unknowingly will have a rough first year of school. It will feel like the world is collapsing around you, and there is no clear path forward. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with your child, your parenting or your new path. You'll see your child in a new light, celebrate smaller victories and learn the intricacies of your child in the most beautiful way.

A lesson I learnt early on in our journey that has helped me better support and advocate for my children is to remember "can't, not won't". This is a different lens to view a neurodivergent child's behaviour. Seeing behaviours as an opportunity to problem solve rather than an act of defiance is important as these kids don't yet have the necessary communication skills or capacity to emotionally regulate. This helped my husband, and I understand our kids' behaviours better, and gave us hope when things felt hopeless.

The most important asset in this journey is to make sure they are surrounded by the right people, who will see beyond the behaviour to the wonderful individual and the many incredible strengths they have.

Feature Image: Supplied.