'The 7 people in my personal support team and why you need one.'

A few weeks ago I received the devastating news that a dear friend had passed away. Tim was the best man at our wedding and was just 48 years old when he died. A few days after that cruel blow, my husband went overseas for a two-week holiday with friends; a long-awaited surf trip that was cancelled three years in a row thanks to COVID.

I did not begrudge him the getaway, but the timing left me feeling isolated. I was okay with managing the household, kids and my paid work but adding the grief of losing our friend on top, and it felt relentless. 

During those two difficult weeks of attempting to spin many plates, I realised that, stress aside, I was absolutely not alone. Far from it in fact.

Without realising, I had unintentionally created my very own personal 'support team'. A network of people and businesses in my extended community who in so many ways helped me to keep my head above water in difficult times. 

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While my husband is my usual number one supporter, followed swiftly by my family in the UK and my in-laws here in Australia, I realised how lucky I was to have other people in my community who serve very different, yet important roles in supporting me.

I acknowledge my privilege and know that having a wide support network is not possible for everyone. But this realisation made me hope I am also not the only one to have a network of legends to provide help during both the good and bad times. 

Perhaps your support team looks different to mine, or maybe you don't know what I am talking about, either way here are the seven people (or groups) I wish to acknowledge for supporting me and I very much encourage you to find your own.

1. My psychologist.

I have recently started seeing a psychologist (through a GP referral and mental healthcare plan) after being diagnosed with mild depression at the start of the year. There is no shame in getting regular therapy in any form if it helps you to stay on top of your emotional health and while I have not routinely had a psychologist on speed dial, I have seen a counsellor for guidance during other stressful life events.

While I am ALWAYS happy to talk and exchange stories of life's biggest challenges with my nearest and dearest, having the ear of a professional always helps me to feel like I am being proactive and on top of my moods. In the first week that my husband was away, I had a psych appointment scheduled and could just spew my emotions out knowing I wasn't giving my already busy friends too much information. 

The act of debriefing and crying it out in a professional setting is sometimes enough, but my psychologist's acknowledgement of the load I was carrying coupled with some simple unbiased advice kept coming back to me when I felt low. 

2. 'Old' friends.

I am lucky enough to have a couple of 'old' friends from my distant past that I can call and cry down the phone if needed. 

These are women who have known me for decades and are basically akin to family. We have been there through each other's highest and lowest moments and I know it will be a 'til death us do part' type bond. 

Sometimes we share silly memes or photos and other times we get into deep conversations about the meaning of life. When I see them on a rare trip home, it is as if no time has passed between lengthy hugs. 

Months might go by between our phone chats, but I know if needed, they will always be there for me as I am for them.

3. Friends in my community.

Old friends are amazing, but if, like me, yours live thousands of miles away, it is essential to have friends (or acquaintances) in your community who live locally. There have been local friends I made at work, my mother's group when I had babies, and more recently my 'school mum' friends. I didn't truly feel settled into life in Australia until I met women I knew could be called 'friends' and relied upon for regular coffee dates, walks or nights out.

Many of my these women have turned into 'old friends', but the important part is that they live close by and can be called upon for face-to-face time. 

We don't always have to talk about life's biggest events, but having a common link, thanks to work, or our kids, means we never run out of things to talk about. Sometimes a quick and knowing hug, a cocktail and a laugh about the latest episode of Ted Lasso, is exactly what I need in that moment.

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4. My Personal Trainer.

Once a week I see my personal trainer Lawrence and I also attend his Saturday morning outdoor group class. I get a solid and varied workout but we also have a chat about our home lives. He knows me as a client yes, but also as a person - enough to offer the right amount of empathy and understanding while still making me work hard. If my dodgy arthritic hip is sore, I can tell him and not worry about looking or feeling flaky.

Knowing I have these two times locked into my weekly diary removes the mental load of when I might actually do some proper exercise. 

Had I been a member of a giant corporate gym, and not one of Lawrence's clients, I probably wouldn't have gone in the last two weeks because, honestly, who would have missed me? 

5. A trusted babysitter.

One night while Jules was away, I booked in our trusted family babysitter so I could have a night off from the bedtime chaos. Knowing a babysitter who lives locally who also understands our family dynamics and cares about our kids is a wonderful thing I never take for granted. Even more so when times are tough.

I knew I could give her the briefest of updates before kissing my boys on the head and heading out the door to relax and enjoy dinner with a friend. Our established relationship has never felt so important or welcome, especially as my mother-in-law already does so much for us and my parents live overseas.

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6. My local cafe and barista.

Most mornings I like to take a quick walk around my suburb before heading to my local cafe and getting the same coffee order. What can I say, I am a creature of habit. 

The walk in the fresh air followed by a delicious caffeinated beverage would be almost enough, but the banter with the fabulous baristas behind the counter makes it even better. 

I work a lot from home and so on the days when Jules was away, I might not see another adult human from dawn to dusk. Friendly interaction with people who know my name and my coffee order feels important and also lovely. 

7. Supportive colleagues.

On the day I felt like things were getting on top of me, I sent a message to a colleague. 

Just knowing I could say 'I am not okay, please help' was very helpful indeed. I like to think I would have been able to do this even without supportive colleagues, but I don't know how comfortable I would have felt about it. 

I was so grateful when my energy was so low to ask for help in a very simplistic way and for my voice to be heard. Supportive colleagues don't have to know all the ins and the outs of my life to know when I am struggling, so I appreciate that someone listened and took immediate action that helped me make it through a very tough patch.

Life is filled with many unexpected events and difficult times and while a partner or close family should be the first port of call for support, having other awesome people in an extended personal support team makes a huge difference. They might not know it, but I am grateful to each and every one of them. 

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and life events, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied / Canva.