We need to talk about this one type of man.

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I have a bone to pick with men. Actually, I have about 100 bones to pick with men. But at the risk of writing a thousand-page burn book, I'll limit myself to one bone.

For now.

This is about something many men do. Men I've dated. Men my friends have dated. Men I'm friends with. Men in pop culture. And it needs to stop.

I'll give you a scenario: Your boyfriend has been invited to the pub with his friends, but he isn't feeling up for it. Does he…

1. Tell his mates he's too exhausted from work?

2. Go to the pub anyway?

3. Say, "Sorry boys, the missus said no."?

If you answered 3, then ding, ding, ding!

You found the bone!

Of course, in this scenario, it was a stone-cold lie. The 'missus' didn't even know about the invite, and was perfectly happy to pop on a face mask and read her book while her partner was out with the lads. He was simply too scared to tell the truth and lose face with his mates.

Listen: The women quietly quitting their husbands. Post continues below.

But now, his partner has been implicated in a lie. She's an accessory to a crime she didn't want to commit. Words like "controlling girlfriend" are tossed around the pub table, and she's not there to defend herself.

If the circumstances were reserved, she would never have used the same lie with her girlfriends. Firstly, she would have felt comfortable to tell the truth without ridicule. And, secondly, for her to utter the phrase "My boyfriend said no" would elicit gasps of indignation.

Yet, for men, the narrative of the "controlling missus" is so normalised that it is greeted with knowing smiles, eye rolls, or phrases like "Been there, mate." These men are comrades, stripped of their freedom by their "old ball and chain" back home.

So, why do men do this? Well, according to psychologist and President of the Australian Association of Psychologists, Sahra O'Doherty, it is their "very avoidant" way to avoid accountability.

"[It's the idea of] I'm making out the other person is the bad person," O'Doherty told Mamamia. "I'm blaming them rather than accepting accountability because I still want to be liked. And it's better for me to be liked than to actually be honest about who is making the decision here."

This scenario, of course, is not isolated to real life. It's a trope we have seen materialise in pop culture many, many times: the bossy or controlling wife counteracted by the fun-loving and reckless husband.

Just look at The Flintstones, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Friends, Modern Family, the list goes on. 

"It's the trope where the [female] partner is made out to be controlling or strict or not very fun," said O'Doherty. "They're the buzzkill, the unfunny, not risk-taking partner. They're characterised as a bit of a drag… whereas the male partner is going on adventures."

"Maybe this trope is infiltrating into everyday, real-life, social spaces," O'Doherty added.

It's true. The more we witness this relationship dynamic in the media, the more it gives men a license to weaponise it in the real world.

And look, I get it. Many men find it hard to do anything that might emasculate them in front of their friends. In fact, research from Our Watch shows that "norms of masculinity are often central to male peer relationships" and can "influence the ways in which men relate to each other".

"This can be seen in the way some men and boys use sexist, homophobic or aggressive behaviours to assert their masculinity, 'prove' their manhood and gain approval from male peers," reads the report.

For many men, putting the blame on a partner is easier than being vulnerable with their friends, otherwise they risk ridicule rooted in toxic masculinity like "you're soft" or "you're whipped".

"Stereotypically, men — particularly in traditional masculinity frameworks or roles — don't communicate about their emotions as well, or as often, as women or as queer people," O'Doherty explained.

"This can lead to difficulties with assertively saying 'No' without either being peer pressured into saying 'Yes', or feeling as though if they do say no, they will be excluded or shunned from the group."

It's not easy for men to speak up, I hear that. But, dumping the blame on their partner isn't the answer either. After all, the impact on women could go far beyond the monikers of "controlling" or "bossy."

Watch: How do we raise boys to become good men? Post continues after video.

The same research from Our Watch shows that men who conform to "norms of masculinity" are more likely to demonstrate sexist attitudes and behaviours, and use violence against women.

What starts as blaming the "ball and chain" can become a slippery slope into more sinister forms of sexism and violence. That is why this behaviour, however small, can't be normalised.

So fellas, please, all I ask is that you stop putting so much stock into what Stevo at the pub thinks.

If you're really too scared to say you're not up for a Thursday session, at the very least, don't use your partner as a scapegoat. Pretend you're sick, or that you have an early morning.

Hell, tell them your grandma died if you have to. They're classic lies for a reason, guys!

In all seriousness, any mate who calls you "soft" for wanting to spend time with your partner isn't a real friend (and I can see why he spends every Thursday at the pub).

Feature Image: Getty (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).