Dear smug mummies: "Don't tell me how to make my baby sleep".

My baby doesn’t sleep.

I feel happy for you that your baby sleeps.

I would not wish a non-sleeping baby on anyone.  I’m excited that you are able to do so many things in a day while I lie on the couch in a constant state of near delirium.

I read today that being sleep deprived is the equivalent of being drunk.  Thus I have practically been constantly drunk for the last 7 months.  That is one VERY LARGE HANGOVER!

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Although I do not begrudge you that your baby sleeps - I do not want to hear from you how to make my baby sleep. Please don't tell me if I just did this or that my baby would just magically fall asleep easily and sleep soundly for the next twelve to fourteen hours.

Don't look condescendingly at me, with your well brushed hair, clean clothes, and occasionally even perfect make up - and tell me all the things I MUST be doing wrong.

The "if you just stopped..." That list is VERY LONG.

Then finally please don't tell me to buy the long list of very well marketed products that are proven to make babies sleep through the night (the "testing" on these products seems slightly dubious to me).

I don't want to hear how your little angel immediately slept through the night as soon as you bought some doll or toy or talking magical night unicorn with built in baby sleep noises and womb simulator.

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Maybe if I asked you for your advice, I would be happy to hear it.  Maybe if I hadn't already tried nearly everything on that list, I would be eagerly listening and taking notes on all the interesting suggestions you have.

Maybe if I hadn't read every single one of your suggestions before, during one of my 3am Google sessions - I would be keen to get your input.

So Smug Mummies - thank you for being well meaning.  But please don't tell me what to do.  (Post continues after video.)

Go home and look at your sleeping angels and feel lucky that you sleep.  Pour yourself a cup of tea and relax.  Go for that 10km jog.  Do a university degree during your maternity leave.

Just don't remind me of how productive you are being...

Image: Supplied