"No matter how much they plead, just say no to these most irritating toys ever."

Have you ever given something to your kids that you regret?

Why is it the one thing that you can never manage to lose, is the one thing you so desperately want to?

That particular toy, that as many times as you move it to the top shelf, just keeps coming back.

The one, that as many times as you throw out it out pack it away, seems to miraculously return.

It almost haunts you.

The fact is you just bloody well shouldn’t buy it in the first place!

There are certain things you should just resist giving your kids.

Sure they might desperately want one. (Please Mama, buy me the purple sparkly slime I will do anything) or have a wonderful time sucking one but trust me it’s a big mistake.

Big. Big. Mistake.

Kids break stuff. They destroy things. They mess things up. They can’t help it it’s a rite of passage.

Have you fallen for any of these?

1. Your mobile phone.

First mistake. We all make it. Babies are busy and what better to shove in their gummy little mouths than your iPhone. They love it. Those buttons to push. The funny flashing lights when they bang it. The strange whirring sounds.

It's excitement in a teeny tiny electronic package.

And so smooth, oh so smooth. Perfect to absorb that harmless slobbery baby drool.

Until it stops working.

2. Textas.

They all say they are washable. But don’t believe them. Textas, paint, glitter glue should be kept strictly to pre-school environments.

There is a reason “how to remove texta from walls” is one of the top google searches.

3.  That toy drum kit.

Your little muso going to be the next little Tommy Lee? (Well, in some ways you hope maybe not in others.) So that toy drums kit, or mini electric guitar seems like a good idea, doesn’t it?

Surely he is so filled with natural instinct that he will progress from simply banging the crap outa it to something melodic soon. Wont he?

Cross those fingers.

Here are the 15 most annoying toys ever. Post continues after video. 

4.     A moneybox.

A very well meaning relative gave my son a piggy bank for his first birthday. A beautiful hand painted ceramic piggy bank that he proceeded to fill with coins before dropping to the ground creating an exploding ceramic and five cent piece bomb.

Spectacular.

5.     Kids makeup.

My gorgeous four-year old daughter is quite lovely without lippy on thanks. Especially lippy on her eyes, hands, cheeks and through her hair where it ended after she was given a toy makeup kit for her recent birthday.

6.     A karaoke machine.

Seriously? Someone thought that parents would appreciate this? Someone imagines family nights of the whole gang belting out Somewhere Over the Rainbow together? A family rendition of the Spice Girls greatest hits?

Your think your child on a continuous repeat of Let it Go is excruciating. Imagine it in stereo.

7.     The Fisher Price corn popper.

Voted the most irritating toy ever by mothers throughout the world.

This dandy little devil in disguise has graced the toy box of most one-year olds I know before their half crazed parents threw it on the council clean up pile with relief.

8.     Whistles.

Want to stay friends with me? Then don’t put a whistle in my kids’ lolly bag at your kids’ party.

I know they seem cute and the kids love them but they are not. They are f**king annoying and can destroy relationships.

9.     Goo/ slime/ awful disgusting sloppy stuff.

Whatever you want to call it it is the pits.

Somewhere in the last ten years of child rearing someone decided children need to play with textural toys. Sensory play they call it. Some evil practical joker thought it would be fun to mess with the minds of parents everywhere and place coloured vials of slimey sloppy muck that children would beg for.

They would then proceed to leave it oozing out on each and every couch they came across, spill it in cars and smear it through their hair so you had to cut it out.

Bad news.

What are some of the worst things that your children have played with?

Want more? Try:

Spitting, snot eating, nipple tweaking. And you thought your child was odd.

People do not seriously eat this stuff? Do they? DO THEY?