The 6 types of wedding guests the bride secretly wished didn't show up.

From the moment I spent three hours of my Friday night trying to decide on the wording and design of our wedding invitations, I knew there was no way I would make it through planning this wedding without offending or annoying someone.

The thing is: this is my wedding, and my wedding should be about me. Nothing gets me more riled up than inconsiderate wedding guests and their narky comments.

So here’s my list; the six guests that no one actually wants at their wedding.

1. The guest who thinks my wedding is about them.

Weddings are expensive. Fact.

What people tend to forget is that weddings are SO expensive that we can’t invite everyone we would like to. If you had been in the room with my parents, my fiancé and his parents when we discussed the guest list, you would realise how much I value your friendship. After three rounds of intense discussion I continued to defended my choice to have you included – you are so important I uninvited one of my cousins to have you there.

With that in mind please be gracious enough not to whine about how the date we chose is inconvenient, it’s a whole 45 minutes drive to my family church, and that the entrée we are serving you is a little too bland. While you are important enough for me to invite you, you do not rate so highly that I am going to plan my wedding around your preferences.

2. …and their partner.

And while we’re at it, I am also sorry that I wasn’t willing to kick my Nanna off the guest list so you could bring your girlfriend of three months who I’ve met once.

This was not done to annoy you, it was done on the assumption that you would feel as strongly about our friendship as I did and support me without complaint anyway. If you can’t accept that it wasn’t a deliberate snub, save me time and RSVP ‘no.’ If you’re going to act like that, I want my cousin back.

And – whatever you do – don’t wait two weeks before the wedding date and call me to see if it is okay that your girlfriend attends. If it were I would have invited her; now you’ve made me feel guilty a second time.

3. The “Helpful” Wedding Guest

As soon as the ring was on my finger the suggestions flew thick and fast:

“Oh you should totally release swans at the ceremony!”

“I saw on Facebook that so-and-so had cake pops instead of cake.”

“You know you should totally have a lolly buffet!”

Or worse: the guests that tell you all the wedding things you are doing wrong. You know, the ones who say:

“Oh cupcake towers are so 2004, its all about the macarons now.”

‘Strapless dresses suit no one – don’t get one.” And:

“You need to get a live band, every DJ wedding I’ve been too was awful”

Here’s a rule of thumb… if I want a suggestion I’ll ask for it, otherwise save your fabulous tips and ideas for your own wedding.

4. The guest that decided now would be a swell time to weigh in on my religious beliefs.

So, we’ve chatted a lot over the years, sometimes it was superficial chit chat, sometimes it was a deep and meaningful, but never once had religion come up – mostly because it’s understood that religion is a personal matter. But you’ve got your invite and all of a sudden there is a very loud opinion about my choice to have my wedding in a church.

If my future husband and I are ok with including God in our celebration, and a minister is ok with marrying us, why should you have an issue? The invitation was for our wedding, not for a full time position as my theological advisor.

5. The Budget-Conscious Guest

We are well aware that our fabulous day does cost a house deposit. And, yes, when you put it like that it hurts. But we are adults and we chose to have a wedding.

We love our friends and family and are excited to have a day to celebrate the family we’ve created. We don’t need a guest that points out how they would never spend that much on one day, a bouquet or a little extra to have a nice flipping stamp.

I don’t question how you spend your money, or else I would ask how you justify your shoe collection and that yearly holiday to Bali, so please don’t question how I spend mine.

6. The guests who thinks its okay to be mean… because we’re talking about a wedding.

Generally, it’s widely accepted that picking at a person’s choices in a bitchy manner is not ok. It’s mean.Making continuous ‘jokes’ at the expense of someone or a group of people is not ok, it’s bullying.

It’s only a joke if the person or group of people are laughing. And I am not.

We often raise a fuss about the things people hate about weddings, how inconvenient they are for everyone and how much money people spend on them. What we forget is that the bride might be doing the best she can with this particular event regardless of all the ever so helpful complaints from the peanut gallery.  So if you are unable to be happy for me… even if I am in a boring white dress with a boring bouquet toss and a boring father/daughter dance, please don’t come.

I don’t want a bully at my wedding.

Megan is country girl from the NT, who recently gave up her burgeoning career in fundraising & marketing to become a high-school teacher.  When she’s not madly planning lessons or studying up on educational theories, she’s trying to pull together her wedding or planning her dream home/wardrobe on Pinterest. She lives in Canberra with her amazing fiancé and their very spoilt puppy, Ziva. You can follow her on Pinterest here, or on twitter here.

Is there any kind of wedding guest you just can’t stand?