4 surprising ways to tell you're an adult.

by MONTY DIMOND

Last week I was smacked violently in the face with an unwanted realisation…

I am a fully-fledged grown up.

This awareness hit me when I became wayyyyy too excited to go ‘homewares’ shopping on the weekend.

I must also admit that I cleanse, tone and moisturise my face on a daily basis, and my idea of a killer Saturday night is a couch party with my beloved. Every one of those activities violently screams “adult”!

I vividly remember as a kid thinking of all the awesome things I was going to do when I found myself in Grown-Up Land.

I promised myself that when the freedom of adulthood arrived, I would passionately indulge in all the things that were forbidden under my Mother’s roof.

Below are four examples of how I have grown into a bigger disappointment than the Aussie women’s rowing team:

1. Rule Number One in our house as a kid was ‘no sleepovers on school nights’.

This rule was only ever broken once, when my best friend Kate’s Mum had to go interstate. My small mind nearly exploded with excitement on that Tuesday night while we topped and tailed in my single bed. In the morning I was intoxicated with excitement as we both got ready for school…TOGETHER! This was hands down the coolest thing to happen all year. From that awesome experience, I decided when I was old enough I would have nightly slumber parties with my friends. No parent to say “lights out at 8.30pm” or insist we keep our whispers down.

Fast forward 21 years and the idea of sleeping in a bed with anyone besides my baby daddy sounds like a serious drag. When I was 26, I had to share a bed with my cousin on a family trip. It was a complete disaster. There is nothing more disturbing than being woken up by a relative mumbling during a sexy dream.

2. The morning ritual for most kids consists of bolting from the sack to get in some quality cartoon time before school.

As a child cartoon junkie myself, a daily dose of The Snorks, Fraggles (“down at fraggle rock”) and Ninja Turtles was pure ecstasy. I never loathed my mother more than when she would flick the channel to the morning news. What a useless, boring program that was. I could not wait to be old enough to get my own telly and spend endless hours binging on animated goodness. Now although, the news has become a daily fixture, and I’m aware of some show called ‘Q & A’, it’s balanced by whatever reality trash I can get my eyes on.  Maybe I only need to half apologise for this one. I’m sure my nine year old self would be a Snookie fanatic too.

3. It also made no sense to me why my parents would opt to eat lamb chops for dinner instead of an awesome bowl of Neapolitan ice cream with a hearty covering of Ice Magic.

I vowed that when I grew up I would bypass dinner COMPLETELY. My future children would not be put through such abuse. They would dine on Snakes Alive and Wagon Wheels if they chose. Cereal would also be on the menu at any time! Once again I have let the junior me down. I’m not sure at what point healthy eating became important, but now my child gets frozen grapes when he pines for a sweetie treat. Yumo.

4. There were six words I dreaded more than anything else as a kid. “Okay girls, time for your bath”.

My sister and I despised our nightly routine. It always interfered with the Neighbours and Home and Away combo. Often my friends at school would be talking about what Toby Mangle got up to the night before and I would sit there like an idiot with nothing to contribute. I’m not quite sure why showering was such a pain in the ass prior to the age of 15?

Now as the mother of a seven month old, having a shower is often the only few minutes I have truly to myself. For a real treat I’ll even have a bubble bath once every few weeks. Mind you I have to share the tub with a family of rubber duckies and my baby boy…. who I must mention is completely incontinent.

I didn’t deliberately break these promises I made to myself as a child. It’s just somewhere along the way, I grew up. Even though I get an insane buzz from buying new towels, farts still crack me up so the nine year old me isn’t completely gone just yet.

Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum and loving it!

What made you realise that you are all grown up? Are there things you promised yourself that your would never do when you were a parent? Did you stick with that promise?