2024 was a binfire. Let's recap it.

You know when you're really invested in a TV show, but then late in the series the writing kind of falls off a cliff and they start just throwing in natural disasters and back-from-the-dead plotlines that feel too unbelievable to work?

Yeah, that was 2024.

At this point, if the writers of 2024 pulled a Lost manoeuvre and finished up the series with the reveal that we've all been dead this entire time, I wouldn't be particularly shocked. 

The year that was has brought us royal scandals (standard), mystery drones and a white middle-aged breakdancing Olympian, punctuated by Trump, Trump and — depressingly — more Trump. 

Let's take a walk back down PTSD-lane and recap the binfire that has been 2024.

Cozzy livs entered the chat

While skyrocketing interest rates have been the headline for nearly two years now, 2024 was the year we all started to feel the pinch as the cost-of-living crisis spiralled out of control. Businesses went bust, homeowners fell off 'mortgage cliffs' and renters got screwed harder than ever. Meanwhile, electricity prices, fuel prices and grocery prices soared, and mortgage-free boomers insisted on telling us all how much harder they had it in the eighties. 

Watch: What it's like to rent right now. Post continues after video.

A royal photo scandal

Basically as soon as this year kicked off, whispers were flying in royal-watching circles about the fact that Catherine, Princess of Wales, had not been seen in public since Christmas Day 2023. Later that month, Kensington Palace announced that the royal had undergone 'planned abdominal surgery', and was expected to be out of action until at least Easter. With the zeal of a woman tasked with finding dirt on her bestie's new Tinder match, the internet detectives went into overdrive speculating on what this could mean.

Then, on British Mother's Day (which fell on March 10 this year), everything exploded. Kate released a snap of her with the kids, thanking people for their well-wishes. Almost immediately, Reddit went to work picking the image - which had a few very strange details — apart. And then, in an unprecedented move, several global picture agencies released a joint statement denouncing the image as fake. It cannot be stressed enough how unusual this move is.

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A post shared by The Prince and Princess of Wales (@princeandprincessofwales)

The fallout, of course, was swift, and culminated in Kate being forced to announce she'd been diagnosed with cancer, at which point speculation was at such a fever pitch that most people were unable to accept this reality, choosing instead to believe that the Illuminati had kidnapped Princess Kate and that lizard overlords were currently controlling Will like some sort of posh ventriloquist's doll.

Fast-forward to September, and Team Wales released a health update revealing that their matriarch was, at last, cancer-free. This time, instead of risking another FaceTune calamity, Kate left the clever camera work to the professionals (the short film was shot by filmmaker Will Warr), resulting in a video that looked more like an emotional Christmas ad for a Telco than a health update from a state official. 

We all caught Swiftie fever

February 2024 was all about one woman: Taylor Swift. Not only did the Eras Tour come to Australia, but the global shipping of Tay Tay and Travis Kelce reached fever pitch when she showed up to watch him at the Superbowl (and, depending on who you listen to, got the ick with him live on television). Melbourne and Sydney sang, danced and friendship-braceleted their way through seven sold-out shows, and in a rare moment of unity and wholesome joy, the whole country seemed to come together at the end of our very cruel summer.

Julian Assange came home

In what marked the first time in 15 years that the Wikileaks founder touched Aussie soil, Julian Assange returned home as a free man after reaching a plea deal with the US Government. Assange pleaded guilty to conspiring unlawfully to obtain and disseminate classified information over his alleged role in one of the largest breaches of classified material in US military history. 

Trump got shot. In the ear. 

Back in July, when it was still shocking that Trump was even back in the presidential race, the world stopped when he was the victim of an assassination attempt at a rally in Pennsylvania. Speaking at an open air rally near Butler, Pennsylvania, the then-presumptive candidate had a bullet graze his right ear, before being pulled to safety by Secret Service agents. In the aftermath of the assassination attempt, which was revealed to have been the work of 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks, internet conspiracy theorists still high on their speculation about Princess Kate got to work, with Trump's shooting being deemed either a hit-job by Biden, an inside job by his own camp, a staged photo-op or, my favourite, a prophesied hit with its roots in a 1992 film entitled Bob Roberts.

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A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump)

Biden stepped down, Kamala stepped up

Just one week after the assassination attempt, news of the shooting was obliterated out of the news cycle by a public announcement from the Whitehouse. After making a series of public appearances in which he gave an uncanny impression of a remote-control toy in need of a battery change, US President Joe Biden announced he was pulling out of the race for the upcoming presidential election, leaving his Vice President Kamala Harris to step into his place. In what was the first bit of life the Democratic campaign had seen, Harris received a groundswell of support, achieving pop-culture breakthrough the likes of which had not been seen since Obama's 2007 campaign. In spite of receiving the endorsement of Charli XCX and being declared 'brat', we all know how this story ends. Still, it was nice while it lasted.

Raygun dominated the Paris Olympics news cycle

How is it that the Paris Olympics simultaneously feel as though they were yesterday and two years ago? The highlights were undoubtedly the menage et trois in the opening ceremony, that slightly terrifying Turkish shooter who came in second place, and of course, Raygun — the middle-aged Australian female breakdancer who brought the world to a stand-still with dance moves that make Kath Day-Knight look like a Russian ballerina. Sure we were being punked, no one could quite figure out how Rachael Gunn, the awkward academic-athlete with moves like 'the kangaroo' managed to make it to the Olympics. Guess we'll never know? 

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A post shared by Rachael Gunn (@raygun_aus)

Diddy got arrested

If we had any lingering doubt that Diddy, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA Sean Combs AKA (vom) Sean Love Combs was a walking piece of human excrement after a video showing him violently assaulting his ex-partner Cassie Ventura surfaced online, September sealed the deal. The FBI brought federal charges of racketeering, sex-trafficking and transportation to engage in prostitution against the rapper and producer, and he awaits a trial in May 2025.

Trump won

In a crippling defeat for Kamala Harris and the Democratic Party, Donald Trump became the first convicted felon to be elected president, and will be inaugurated for the second time in January 2025.

An assassin became a pop-culture anti-hero

In what is perhaps the most searing insight into the state of play of 2024 as it draws to a close, the internet watched a man be gunned down on video — and largely sided with the alleged shooter. Brian Thompson, CEO of US insurance giant United Healthcare, was shot in the back of the head in Midtown Manhattan on December 4. A suspect in the shooting, 26-year-old Luigi Mangione, was arrested in a Pennsylvania McDonalds five days later, proof that a statement eyebrow really will get you noticed. The bullets used in the shooting were allegedly marked with the words 'delay', 'deny' and 'depose'. The three words are similar to the phrase "delay, deny, defend", a well-known phrase in the insurance industry regarding companies' efforts to not pay out claims, and the general consensus — at least on TikTok — about Mr Mangione appears to be a resounding "woof." 

With less than two weeks left of 2024 (and the damage from a devastating earthquake off the coast of Vanuatu still being tallied as I write), history has shown us that it's still too early to close off the Very Bad Things ticker just yet. Yet with a trepidatious smile and fingers crossed, can I humbly suggest we grab a bowl of pav, huddle under the covers, and wait out midnight on New Year's Eve? 

Because God knows we could all use a rest.

Feature Image: Getty.