Is this the creepiest sex-ed book of all time?

When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much…

Screw ‘the birds and the bees.’ Ain’t nobody got time for lady gardens and watering cans. This 1970s children’s book dives straight into the ins and outs (hah!) of sex, with barely a metaphor in sight.

How a Baby is Made by Per Holm Knudson was written in 1975 and offers a refreshingly honest (if a little bit creepy) approach to sex education.

It starts off pretty much how you’d expect- “Here are the baby’s mother and father,” it says. “They love each other very much. They have helped each other to have the baby.”

Aside from mum’s disturbingly juvenile pigtails, it’s sweet. They’re linking arms, while looking at each other lovingly and smiling.

HELLOOOOO NEXT PAGE!

Anatomical drawings. Good. Fine. Necessary. But if you’re going to the trouble of sketching a little, blonde seventies bush why on EARTH do these people not have noses?

Things escalate pretty quickly from here- evidently ma and pa are not so into the fore-play- and now we are also blessed with internal diagrams. Also, can we please talk about this interesting open-mouth kissing while staring into each other’s eyes? I’m pretty sure that’d soon make you cross-eyed.

“The father’s testicles are filled with sperm cells. When he makes love these come out the tip of his penis. The move through the mother’s vagina into a hollow space in the mother’s abdomen called the uterus or womb. Sometimes there is a tiny egg inside the mother and the sperm cell joins it.”

Hilarious illustrations aside, and despite a notable lack of detail, I’m going to go right ahead and say that’s the most straight forward and succinct example of childhood sex-education you could hope for. No BS. This is how it works people.

It pretty much progresses how you’d think from there, except the fact that we can see inside mummy’s tummy kind of makes her seem more like a Teletubby than a person.

Baby grows. Mummy’s tummy gets big. Mummy and Daddy link arms so much it makes you question if they have attachment issues. Mummy and Daddy go to the hospital where the nice doctor will help them have the baby and then- BAM!

Demon, noseless, sea-monkey baby is born smiling and WAVING. Introducing him/herself into the world with a flamboyant little, “Ta-Da!”

Some people on social media have been more than a little disturbed, one Facebook user exclaiming, “HOLY SHIT! Is that actually a kid’s book?” Another stating simply, “Lord Jaysus.”

However, it is clear there is some market out there for this little gem of a story. In can be purchased for $99 second hand on Amazon, and a brand new copy will set you back a cool SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS! That’s one helluva collector’s item.

Something to show the grandkids. No really, it’s important they know these things.

Did you have this book as a kid, or is this the image you think of when it comes to sex ed books?:

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