wellness

What the top five per cent of relationships have in common.

Most married couples will tell you that some of their best days were in the first few months of dating. It's a magical time, filled with growing attraction, blossoming romance and meaningful dates spent dreaming together, laughing until your cheeks hurt and soaking up every second with this exciting new person.

In many cases, that early connection usually leads to a deeper bond, followed by a proposal, a wedding, a honeymoon and maybe children.

But then, fast-forward a few years and things start to shift. Life gets hectic. Priorities change. You stop dating your partner, and before you know it, the fairytale starts to fade.

Watch: Mia Freedman interviews Sophie Cavhia about how her 'perfect' life turned upside down. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

The stats back it up, too. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, around 30 per cent of first-time marriages in Australia end in divorce. Second marriages? That number jumps to about 60 per cent. Interestingly, third-time marriages are even more likely to end than the first two.

Honestly, it makes sense. If you stop doing the things that built your relationship in the first place, it's no wonder it starts to fall apart. So, with all this negativity, it makes us question: What are the couples who are still thriving — many years in, kids and all — doing differently?

ADVERTISEMENT

Well, we may have found the answer…

Marriage and family therapist Emily De La Torre (known as @mindful_madre) recently shared a quote on Instagram from William J. Doherty, Professor of Family Social Science and founder of the Doherty Relationship Institute, and it stopped us in our tracks. (We even chatted about it on a recent episode of podcast Mamamia Out Loud, which you can listen to below). 

"If a married couple with children has 15 minutes of uninterrupted, non-logistical, non-problem-solving talk every day, I would put them in the top five per cent of all married couples," the quote read. "It's an extraordinary achievement."

Torre supported the quote, writing the following in the caption: "Whatever you do, make the time. Let go of the logistics and talk about your dreams, your passions, your love of life, art, nature, faith, books you're reading, humour you're enjoying, existential questions you've been pondering etc. Remember what connected you and go there. And go often."

ADVERTISEMENT

How does the 15-minute date work?

The idea isn't new, either. Experts have long referred to the 15-minute date as a "daily vitamin" for relationships since it's small, consistent and surprisingly impactful.

But here's the catch: When you're deep in the juggle of raising kids, managing a household, and keeping everything (and everyone) running, it can feel like forever since you and your partner had a truly meaningful conversation. And when every chat turns into a logistics meeting or a fight, the easy way out is to just stop talking to each other altogether.

OK, we get it — it sounds easier said than done. After a full day of working, cooking, cleaning, parenting, running errands and maybe squeezing in a workout or social catch-up, the idea of sitting down with your partner (who you might think you already know everything about) can feel like the very last thing on your priority list.

ADVERTISEMENT

But here's a little perspective shift: 15 minutes is just one per cent of your day. One. Per cent. That's it.

And according to the experts, 15 minutes is a realistic and manageable amount of time to commit to something that can seriously improve your connection — and change the tone of your whole day.

The key is to make each 15-minute conversation meaningful where each person gets equal time to speak and listen without judgment. Here are a few simple prompts to get started:

  • 'What's something that made you smile today?'

  • 'What's a dream trip we haven't talked about in a while?'

  • 'What do you need from me this week?'

  • 'In what ways have we grown as a couple in the past year?'

And if you want to make things interesting (read: spicy), you can go a little deeper. As Em Vernem suggested on the Mamamia Out Loud episode, try asking the following:

  • 'Who's the one person in my family you can't stand but have been too scared to tell me?'

  • 'Pretend you're single and you meet your celebrity crush at a bar. You hit it off. Then you find out they're your long-lost cousin, but they still give you that look. Do you sleep with them?'

We'll be asking our partners those last two tonight…

Do you think the 15-minute daily date rule works? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

Feature Image: Canva.

Calling all Australians aged 18+! We want to hear about your approach to mental wellbeing and their experiences with health insurance providers. Complete our survey now for a chance to win a $1,000 gift voucher in our quarterly draw!

00:00 / ???