11 things that baffle me

We all have them. Moments of confusion. We are all baffled. Perhaps you’re flummoxed by the same things. Like:

1. Why anyone needs to learn the recorder.

2. Bank privacy rules.

So they ring & ask to speak to my husband. I’m all, “He’s not here, can I help?” And they’re all “Privacy regulations prevent us from talking to you. Could you give us his mobile number?” Seriously dude?

3. Enjo.

I know it’s supposed to be amazing, but with apologies to the environment, I need chemicals involved when I’m cleaning. Or at least a chemical smell.

4. Pausing Live TV

Does. My. Head. In.

5. Rollmops*.

There is no good reason for these.

6. Why men have such a problem with coins.

7. Ears pierced with humungous circular thingies.

Or things that look like miniature elephant tusks. Eww. Look outside – does it look like the Amazon out there? No? Then don’t put a dish in your ear.

8. Why my husband’s sneezes are so freaking loud.

9. How my daughter can be “too busy” to eat her lunch at school.

She’s 6. What the hell is she doing? Her Barbie thesis?

10. Why are brandy snaps called brandy snaps?

I made some last weekend. There was no brandy involved.

11. Personalised number plates with the model of the car.

What – just in case I didn’t notice your car is a BMW318, you need to point it out with a plate that says BMW318?

* Rollmops are pickled herring fillets, rolled into a cylindrical shape around slices of onion, pickled gherkin or green olive with pimento. Told you.

Nicole McLachlan was personal assistant to Federal Ministers and CEOs for an aeon. She’s a newly minted stay at home mum who irons, punctuates perfectly and blogs at ironingandapostrophes

What are the things that baffle you? That you just. Don’t. Get.